I can’t remember anymore how many times I died inside and torn myself apart that you’re not here. How many times I was trying to do something. To do everything right. You will deal with it, they said. But I won’t. You will be alright they said. But not without you. You’re just not something transient, you’re not just a simple feeling which comes and goes. You’re one lifetime happening. It changed me, it changed everything. Forever. The me can’t exist without us. I’m not me anymore. The world and the time stopped that day. It seems that this is my real nature. Loving you. And I know that no one will love you more. Just because I have no limit for my feelings about you. I gave everything I could, I did everything possible, which the circumstances let me do. I gave everything I had. I collected every valuable thing in me and invested it into this, cause I chose you to be my first and last real big love. The only real one. And I believed that I deserve something so precious like you. For me all of this was is and will be more real than everything in my existence. Remember it and never doubt it, because it is just the only simple truth. This is me, this is who I am and what I am able to give. Now I’m even more empty and lonely than I ever was. And it hurts even while I’m breathing without you. Every new day is another heartbreak cause all I find is silence. I can’t handle the pain. Only if you know how much I need you. Because the darkness is waiting to swallow me forever, while every fiber of me wants to go back there. To go back  to you. Where everything is just simply perfect. The pain is the only thing which reminds me that I haven’t dreamed the happiest time in my life with the best possible choice I made. And I will always make. And this is the only truth my world is built up around. I love you. I always did. And I always will. 

I wish you realized how much I love you.

P.S. I gave everything I had …

Goodbye, all.


Silver Surfer by Adi Granov / Tumblr


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